An avite-tation!

For the past week or so Isaac has asked me for "Jesus stories" at bedtime every night. For three nights now he's wanted to hear the story of Jesus dying on the cross and living again. 

(Where that came from I'll never know but be still a Momma's heart all the same!)

Tonight he asked me a bunch of questions about Jesus and His life and basically wanted to make sure He was a real person. We talked about it for a while and then this,

"Momma, I'm ready to avite (how he says invite which is adorable) Jesus to live in my chest and be my best friend."

Holding back the tears was difficult as we said a prayer asking Jesus into his little heart.

When we finished he hugged my neck and told me thank you for helping and then he said,

"Momma, that makes me so happy and sunshine inside and now Jesus is my warrior too!"

It's moments like these...

 

Please be the Gilbert to my Anne, the Wesley to my Buttercup?

I've been watching Anne of Green Gables for three days and I started reading the books again as well.  As with random things in life, it got to me. BIG TIME.

I started thinking about the girl I was when Ryan and I married... I compared her to who I have become and I am not satisfied.  I think the moment that Isaac was born I lost myself... not only did I have a baby, I spent almost 2 of the next 3 years alone, and, with the birth of my son, I got sick... and I kicked into survival mode... I feel as if I have never left.  

In the middle of the night I messaged Ryan.  I was in shock when I woke this morning and read it.  I decided to share it because it has so much truth in it... and I feel like maybe some of these truths don't just apply to us.

"It's after midnight and I can't sleep.
I have been lonelier for you these past three days than any other day you've been gone since Isaac was born. I've been in survival mode for far too long and I'm scared to death it will simply become our norm.  

I want to love you passionately. I want to know every single day that my life is not, and can not be, mundane simply because you are in it. I don't want to forget why we are together or sweep our love for each other under the rug because it's safe and we have bigger things to worry about, only to find it gone when we go looking. 

I want to miss you every day not just because my work without you is more but because I'm missing a part of me that went with you. 

I want to be barely able to keep my hands off of you when we're together and feel as if you feel the same. 

I want our extraordinary love story to stay strange and real and NOT NORMAL. 

I don't want a rut, I want "As you wish" 

I don't want a white picket fence, I want "Swords drawn against the world" 

I want to be Anne and Gilbert through all the long years.

Most importantly, I want Isaac to know he was the product of THAT love not the dampener of it... or worse, for him to never know we felt that way once.

I love you with all of my heart and I want to learn to live that again."

Truth... every word.  

Time to get to work... 

Courtney

September

I can't believe September is upon us!  Time is a funny thing... it feels as if Ryan left only a month ago and yet it is hard to remember anymore what life is like with him in it...  It's been almost 4 months since we moved to AZ... Just about halfway there!

Oh and September is spider season up here in the pines... these suckers are giant!  This one is about the size of the pad of your thumb PLUS the legs!  She is not the biggest I've seen here either!!!

Granite Mountain Hotshots Memorial Walk

It's been 51 days since the Yarnell fire took the lives of 19 young hotshots working to save the town threatened by the fire. Right outside the fire department the the Granite Mountain Hotshots were based out of there is a memorial walk that has sprung up from the hearts of the people of Prescott and the families of these men who were lost. It's staggeringly large and in every square inch is a heartfelt thank you... It could be in the form of an antique helmet left to symbolize solidarity... or in a teddy bear surrounded by the well worn collection of matchbox firetrucks left by a little boy who wants to be a fireman and saw the death of 19 of his heroes.

I walked about half a block away from the site and still couldn't get the entire thing in my frame. 
In the time that has passed since I took these pictures the city has blocked off parts of the road for heavy pedestrian traffic.

  

It grows daily as more and more people visit the site.

 
Full of beautiful gestures...

There are turnouts and shirts from all over the country.

Firefighters come and walk the wall in silence and reflection.

It is impossible to see everything... there are pieces from every walk of life... honoring those who have fallen.

Other hot shot teams have been here...

 They've left a heartfelt nod to their fallen brothers.

An axe... a pair of boots... and 19 shovels.

 Every foot of this walk is heartbreaking...

And staggering...

 19 flags... each with the name of one of the fallen...

It is right across the road from Fire Station 7, home of the Granite Mountain Hotshots.

There is a woman that comes out to care for the plants left to honor these men.

She does an amazing job of keeping them looking their best.

 19 water bottles placed in a heart.

19 full sized flags... one for each of the fallen. 

An antique helmet with a note for the lost.

Turnouts signed by an entire fire station. 

I think this was the thing that brought me to full tears. A teddy bear surrounded by a collection of matchbox fire trucks from a little boy who heard of the death of 19 of his heroes.

 This is an awesome thing to behold in the wake of such a tragedy.  I hope the city does right by the families and decides to go ahead and pay benefits to the widows and children of these fallen men.

Courtney

 

Falkor and the Neverending story of a boy and his dog!

 Today, August 17th 2013, we brought home the newest member of our family, and his name is Falkor. 

 Ryan and I can't wait to watch Falkor and Isaac grow up together!!! 

There are many years of happy companionship in our future and I, for one, feel like our family is complete with a dog in it again. 

 I have missed my boys for three years now... and I know that I know that Falkor will be to Isaac as they were to me.

  

Stay tuned for, The Adventures of Falkor, The Neverending Story of a Boy and His Dog!

Falkor Makes Four!

My husband, Ryan, and I have been talking about getting a dog again for about a year.  We lost our boys 3 years ago now and our short ownership of Spock, pre The Year of Hell (a.k.a. being stationed in Turkey) didn't cure us of wanting to be a dog family.

Now that we are stateside for a while we decided it was time to think about it again... So, we started to research and talk to people in chat rooms and a decision was made... Golden Retriever and now not later.  This may sound crazy to everyone but us... but the pros of doing this now instead of waiting for the move just out weighed the cons 10 to 1!

Today Isaac and I made a turn around trip to the valley to pick out a puppy.  What we found was love all wrapped up in a sleepy, wriggly, fluffy bunch of kisses.  

I showed Isaac pictures of the three pups we would be allowed to choose from the night before we left.  He told me immediately that the puppies looked like baby Falkors.  (We are thrilled as that name made the short list of names for our next dog!  Imagine him picking our favorite name all on his own!?)  

We walked in this morning and he played with all three for a minute.  I asked him, "Isaac, which one is Falkor?" and this was his way of answering me...

He looked each pup in the face very carefully and then said, 

 
"This one is not Falkor but he's sweet. This one isn't Falkor either but I like him. 

THIS one is Falkor... he's my puppy... my baby dog Falkor!"

 

From that moment forward he had eyes for no other puppy (and that's a big deal as there were seven).  He followed Falkor around on hands and knees... SO CUTE!

Falkor is a 5 week old white/blond Golden Retriever.  We'll get to bring him home on the 21st of August and we can hardly wait.  It's been so long since I saw a dog and thought, "That's the one!  That's the dog for us..."  That happened the moment I laid eyes on Falkor, and then my son CHOSE HIM! 

There isn't much in the world better than seeing a boy and his dog... unless it's seeing my boy just radiating joy at the playful lick of his very own, "Baby Falkor puppy dog!"

My heart is full of puppy dog tails for the first time in a long time.

Courtney 

Time to switch...

I am devastated by the loss of Xanga.

I don't know how often I'll be here... I don't know if I ever will at all... Life has just not been my own for the last few years.  But, I can't let go of the idea of blogging... even if I never do, I can not abide the idea that I can't if I want to!  

And so, here I be.  (Plus I need a way to keep up with my ladies!)

Courtney a.k.a. Fallensparrow from Xanga.